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Thread: Need adult child advice.....badly!! (long)

  1. #1
    LisaF's Avatar
    LisaF is offline Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2003

    Need adult child advice.....badly!! (long)

    Sorry....this is really long!

    Short version of history....daughter adopted at age 10.5 from Guatemala. Find out years later she was horribly sexually abused by birth family. Went through 6 years of no avail because she didn't want help. She ran away at age 18 and now has twin boys that are 10 months old. She is in a program for homeless, single moms run by the Volunteers of America. She is dating a felon. Baby's dad is involved with the boys and is a seemingly a good dad.

    This is my struggle.....she is obviously borderline personality. She has every characteristic on the list. She lies about everything. Tells me she can do whatever she wants with her life (which is true) BUT is constantly having me watch the boys for days and never has any money so asks me for things like tampons and toilet paper. I buy all the things the boys need including formula because she always runs out. Her boyfriend steals from her and uses her DSHS debit card so she never has any food. She is in jeopardy of losing custody of her boys (which might be a good thing) but has a freeby lawyer so constantly files bogus complaints about the baby's dad etc...

    SO...I don't know how to interact with her. If I confront her she's mad. If I don't jump in to help she lets the boys go without or leaves them with her crappy friends. It's never enough to call CPS but not good situations. I feel like I'm enabling her, but if I don't do things for her she will make sure I don't see the boys. I've been the only constant in the boys' lives. I feel trapped and manipulated but do I just suck it up for the boys' sake?

    Mom to 5 awesome kids and Ma to 4 sweet grand babies
    1992-home 2002
    1996-home 2007
    1999-home 2007

  2. #2
    tybeemarie's Avatar
    tybeemarie is offline Senior Member
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    Jun 2004
    This is something only you can decide. There is no right answer. Borderline people do not make rational decisions, and you can never win with them. She is going to make terrible choices. Those poor babies. I don't know what to tell you but to pray on this and listen to your heart.

    My plan for my daughter, who is shaping up to be a borderline, is to simply bribe her to have an Implanon every 3 years. It's visible in the arm, has to be implanted by a doctor, and removed by a doctor, so you know it's there, and you know it can't easily be removed.

    This, of course, does not help you in regard to those 2 babies, but it might help limit the number of innocents you have to consider in your interactions with your daughter. I am really, really sorry. You are living my nightmare.

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